Honolulu Star-Bulletin Breaking Stories

23 Mar 2015 | Author: | Comments Off on Honolulu Star-Bulletin Breaking Stories
Mercedes SL 600

Time turns out grinches

if you let it

AH, Christmas. Enchanting sights and sounds. The wafting scent of pine. The chipper spirit.

The 25th day of December generally remains the same throughout one’s life, right? Well, not quite.

Here is some of the imagery of Christmas past, present and future:

Past: At the sound of the word Christmas, we’d break out our grins of greed and bliss.

For our parents, we’d concoct a gimme list that was a mile long. For Santa, no problem, we’d concoct another mile-long gimme list.

We would cry, Let’s go pick a tree. Pleeease! And we’d beg to adorn the pine with ornaments galore.

Then we would sit before the calendar and meticulously cross off each day of December until we hit the big 2-5.

Come Christmas day, we’d wake well before the sun. Then we’d stomp into mom and pop’s room and scream, C’mon! Let’s open the presents! Hurry!

Sigh. Those were the good ol’ days. (Gee, I never thought I’d be saying that at my age.)

Present: At the sound of the word Christmas, we continue to exhibit a grin of greed and bliss.

For our parents, we curtail the gimme list. No, not because we’re concerned for their pocketbook, but because we are now aware that fewer small gifts mean more large gifts – like a posh Mercedes SL 600 convertible, for example. Of course, I’m just wishing here.

(Warning: Santa worshippers skip the next three paragraphs.)

As for our gimme list for Santa. we discovered some time ago that, along with the jolly guy, there were other fictional characters implanted in our heads for the purpose of bribery.

Not familiar with this bribe? Does this ring a bell. Honey if you go to Dr. Pain and yank out that tooth you’ll get moolah from the Tooth Fairy!

And, If you behave during church service you’ll get lots of toys from Santa!

Tsk, tsk. Shame on you parents.

And what about that Christmas tree? Yeah, sounds cool. But at this age we’re not exactly pining for pine. We don’t want to be mistaken for TV’s Beaver or Brady clan.

And by the way, given a choice between trimming the tree or skimming the tube, sorry, trash TV comes first.

We no longer anxiously count the days to the big 2-5. Heck no. That’s too elementary for our mature minds.

Come Christmas day, our bodies refuse to rise before the sun. However, if we’re guaranteed scores of large, significant gifts – like a Mercedes SL 600 convertible – then, hey, that’s another story.

Future: At the sound of the word Christmas, we’ll display a furrowed brow and whine, Whaaat? Christmas already? Ai-ya-yai!

We will no longer find ourselves concocting a gimme list of our wants. Sadly, we’ll be making lists of everybody else’s wants.

Mercedes SL 600

As for our list for Santa. wait a second, didn’t we already declare the jolly guy fictional?

Well, yes. But I predict we’ll want to believe in him again.

Why?

So we could make a deal with him. If we keep our promises to be good little angels, he would then do the shopping for us, right?

And the Christmas tree? Bah, humbug, we’ll say.

Come Christmas day, because we made it through the hellish malls, we’ll reward ourselves with a couple of hours of extra sleep.

Seconds before we enter the land of dreams, Junior will come stomping into the room, screaming, C’mon, let’s open the presents! Hurry! C’mon!

We’ll utter, Now I know what mom and pop went through. How karmic!

Sheesh. Adulthood can easily turn a joyous Tiny Tim smile into a crabby Scrooge’s smirk.

Warren Kaneshiro is 19 and assures that the only way one truly becomes a Scrooge, is when one forgets what is truly important during Christmas, and here’s a hint: It’s not a Mercedes SL 600 convertible.

Rant AMP Rave is a Tuesday Star-Bulletin feature allowing teens and young adults to serve up fresh perspective. Guys and girls speak up by fax at 523-8509; by answering machine at 525-8666; snail mail at P.O. Box 3080, Honolulu, HI 96802; or e-mail, features@starbulletin.com

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