An Open Letter to Slow-Witted Ottawa Drivers

19 Oct 2014 | Author: | Comments Off on An Open Letter to Slow-Witted Ottawa Drivers
Audi S8

An Open Letter to Slow-Witted Drivers

by: Stéphane Tessier

is my home. I live here by because there are more that I like and fewer that I dislike than any place I have lived in or

That being said, is home to the worst drivers on

My bone fides justifying lamentation are strong. My trembling steered free from in the streets of the Moroccan Intifada, merged onto the FDR expressway the Lower East Side at slalomed by debris on D.C.’s (teapots, I presume) and dodged a on the Dan Ryan Expressway in Chicago’s Side. (I have no idea who Dan was, but I am certain he was shot there.)

There is form in ineptitude. “We are cautious,” you protest as you these words. You are wrong.

Ottawa drivers are slow, and operate heavy equipment as addicted to analgesics. You drive the way a junior staffer struggles the regulations pursuant to the Public Employment Act . This is why you slow the day before a snowstorm or fit your with snow tires in

Levity aside, consider the limit. I mean, would you consider driving at the speed   You only live once, so get already.

The left lane is the lane. This is not a euphemism; it is for faster drivers, by law. on the Queensway—never to be confused with the left lane is perpetually up by clueless, passive-aggressive barriers trans fats welling in the of an American teenager. If you want to get fast on the Queensway, stay in the lane.

Too many times, my wife and I breezed past traffic on the side, technically in the wrong lane, contempt painted on our faces there is no other place to be. And we get the looks.

Minivan! Grandma! You in the The reason the objects in your mirror appear so big is that you are so Move over and get out of the way of faster

The far right lane is always the choice for you. You can knit in lane. If you follow my advice, the gesticulating maniacs playing in mirror will be gone for

I think the Queensway is haunted by the of donkeys who got run over by Lemonade There must be apparitions of sort to cause those bottlenecks that paralyze only to clear up and melt for no other reason than is clear road ahead.

But was clear road ahead How does this occur? No no impediment (a refrigerator in the middle like what you see in Detroit), no activity.

Oh, but there is a policeman – on the side of the road. And you jump on the don’t you? Folks, the policeman is busy fining a driver going in the other so please keep up the pace for the of those following you.

Merging traffic causes too, because for Ottawa merging a car onto the Queensway is difficult than parking a in orbit around the moon of planet in another galaxy. are you waiting for, an invitation? If the passing lane were the lane, then circulation be fluid at all hours of the day.

Audi S8

One of my past-times is having a summertime in the Market observing your with parallel parking. If you only see yourselves. Consternation your confidence as you attempt the especially if you are on a first date; when you realize you are out of position; over distances, angles and the of mercy from the senior you have trapped between two and the vapid self-loathing when, vanquished, you that precious real for a safer and more expensive

Watching you trying to fit your car in a spot reminds me of someone to put the wider end of a cork back in the In, out, in, out, wriggle-wriggle, and three minutes of this your vehicle is still diagonally, one tire on the yellow and centimeters away from neighbour’s car. Take to notice that in Ottawa, winter jacket is smeared slushy grime.

That is having to writhe into or out of a car An #8220;I Scream#8221; sandwich ( guffaw ).

At red lights, why do you wait for the car of you to move before you accelerate? If you accelerate when the light green, traffic will better and many more will make it past the But you don’t.

Why? Because, collectively, you are bad

Responsible driving involves aware of your surroundings, not the progress of others, being apt to execute basic manoeuvres, sober, avoiding reckless and respecting pedestrians. I see little of in our city.

Ottawa, apply mettle to the pedal, please. Be Be happy.

Stéphane Tessier is a iconoclastic essayist living in who would ride the buses often if he had a few hours to spare.

by: OLM Contributor on November 25, 2013.

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